Instead of providing praise words, like “Good job” or “Way to go,” returning credit builds confidence in the child while taking the adult’s feelings and opinions out of the equation. The child then learns to feel confident in himself and his own abilities, not what the adult thought of his action. This technique also assists with decreasing the tendency to people please and instead encourages the child to do what’s right, not what the adult prefers. While most strong-willed kids may not show people pleasing tendencies, some strong-willed children may show this behavior, especially towards teachers and others who are in authority when one of the things that they feel strong-willed about is following established rules.

 

 

How Does It Work?

 

Simply state in non-praising terms what you witnessed or heard the child do to accomplish or solve a problem:

 

After the child chooses a color for his art project…

“You knew exactly which color to pick for that part of your drawing.”

 

After the child helps to clean up toys…

“You knew it was time to clean up and got all of the toys back where they belonged.”

 

After the child complies with a direction…

“You heard what I said and were able to do exactly what I asked you to do.”

 

After the child shows kindness to a friend…

“You know exactly how to be a great friend.”

 

 

Notice how none of these examples start with “Good job!” or “Way to go!” before giving the child credit for their accomplishment. Instead, the focus is on giving them full credit for their choice and not sharing your particular feelings about the choice.